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foxbunny

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Everything posted by foxbunny

  1. All stories are a dual act of creation: The author creates the story in the telling and the audience re-creates the story in the consumption. That's why literary analysis is so much fun--it looks at different ways to re-create the same story. Most games are more like movies than books. They try to tell a specific story are less interested in the audience participating in the re-creation aspect than they are having the player be one of the actors. Final Fantasy, Metal Gear Solid, Halo, etc. generally have a linear story with the player expected to follow a set path. These games are fun and all, but even games like GTA where you can make choices end up with the ending changed based on a few possibilities. I would really like to see games that push the storytelling into a co-creation between the developer and player. That's not really something that's possible in other media. Fallout gets close with the ability to build new areas, and Warcraft/Starcraft also get close for the same reason. But those stories tend to either lack depth or be more of what has come before. What would a truly co-created video game experience look like? I wonder.
  2. Look at the poem "Girl" by Jamaica Kincaid. That will give you some different ideas if you want to differentiate sections.
  3. I'm always happy to help (I'm planning to be an English teacher shortly). The first thing to consider with poetry is the need to cut down language to the most necessary parts. I've heard this called "making an efficient use of language." In other words, you only want to say what needs to be said (maybe a little less). Next you want to look at your ending words. These are some of the strongest means to convey your message. These should most often be either be concrete nouns or strong action verbs. You do a pretty good job with this already. Some examples that could use a bit of a polish are "purposefully" and "than." Now, for this piece in particular, I would suggest breaking it into a series of poems because there are a lot of ideas being explored. You have a lot of really great raw material here. While you're considering end words, consider words that are highly charged, ambiguous, and can convey tension. The line "Spare change on a dresser" might be broken into two lines because both "change" and "dresser" can be nouns or verbs. "Spare change" can be either a description of coins, or it can be a request. Consider enjambment (the continuation of one line into the next without punctuation) when you capitalize. It's very unusual for contemporary poetry to have capitals at the beginning of each line. It's probably just a matter of having used Word or something similar to compose because it loves to put caps at the beginning of every new line. That's something you can fix manually. Just like end words, punctuation needs to be planned. Should this have a comma? Is this one thought? Should there be a period? Every punctuation mark stops the reader or slows them down. Consider how that can be used to make meaning. So instead of "rhyme without reason" you might try "rhyme, reason" or other similar changes. In general you will want to avoid (or at least greatly limit) anything other than concrete language and also avoid "poetic" language unless you feel it is absolutely necessary.
  4. I think you have some good raw material there. Remember that everything in a poem means. Every punctuation mark or space or capital letter. And the first and last words of a line are also very important (the last mores than the first). Paring things down is very hard, but you end up with a much stronger poem. You might change that section near the beginning by dropping some words, losing the punctuation and changing the spacing. For example: what is plot without story reason without rhyme more beautiful embrace existence frivolous If you really want something to blow your mind you might look up "syncopated sonnet." Tyehimba is an absolute genius with poetry that I still can't even wrap my head around.
  5. I've always found Haiku to be some of the hardest poems because of how short they are. Every word has to do a lot of lifting. Like most formal poetry it's easy in principle, but hard to really do well. Last time I worked with Haiku was for a translation of a winter poem by Matsuo Basho: Year ends like the last— Straw sandals cover my soles; straw hat shades my head. I could understand the poem to apply to a few different things, though I haven't really ever thought of poetry as a riddle to be figured out (except when it is). The Lone Ranger's bullet (silver bullet) A lawn mower blade. A tornado or waterspout. Beyblade. and others. More interesting to me are the word choices. The subject of the poem is described with the word "her." This carries a lot of baggage, particularly for something that "destroys." The ambiguous words "wake" and "lies" really bring a lot to the poem. With "In her wake" following "destroys" there is the sense of death. It's not only a wake the way a boat leaves a wake, but the gathering of family before a funeral. "Lies naught" also conveys several meanings. Lie as the opposite of truth makes the phrase understood as "does not tell lies" rather than "nothing is lying there." Alternately, when combined with the "wake" image you have the "silver dancer" absent from her own funeral reading the last line as "she does not lie there in her wake." "Dancer / Sings" is an interesting choice. It has a performance quality that is reinforced by "silver" and undermined by "warning."
  6. The eyes should be a little lower and closer together. They should be about at the middle of the face vertically, and there should be about the space of one eye between the eyes. You can also use a cylinder as a guide for the muzzle. There is a little too much chin, I think.
  7. Welcome. I started at Assemblies of God and am currently a member at a southern baptist church.
  8. foxbunny

    Comic/art

    Indeed. Maybe I should really mix things up ad do a pie a la mode.
  9. foxbunny

    Comic/art

    It's, um... A title card. That's it.
  10. foxbunny

    Comic/art

    So, Lu-Man and I have been (sort of) working on a comic. I volunteered for the art, and let my imagination run wild. Unfortunately, that's slowed us down significantly. On the plus side, we should have some nice stuff once it's all said and done. Anyhow. Here are a couple of pics I've done in the past couple of days. I'm really getting my head around the modeling and am much faster now. Let me know what you think of these.
  11. We have about 3/4 of one script done, and about 1/3 of a second, pre-script story complete.
  12. Lu-Man and I are working on a comic tother as well. Perhaps we might combine forces?
  13. Your English is nothing to be ashamed of. Great job learning another language! Yay for December birthdays! And, welcome!
  14. This inspires me to look into modding my keyboard for a more tactile experience.
  15. Thanks, bro! I'm still working at yours.
  16. Brain controlled tail. http://cheezburger.com/42351361
  17. Yay! You're part of my generation! Although I turn 36 in December.
  18. You are indeed misinterpreting the verse. First off it says "3 Immorality' date=' or any impurity or greed must not be mentioned among you, as it is not fitting for holy ones,4 no obscenity or silly or suggestive talk, which is out of place, but instead thanks giving". Be aware that this is applying to a you yourself, not a video game character. Don't worry though fox bunny I'll remind Duke Nukem that he needs to clean up his act if he wants to get into heaven. [/quote'] Let's take your interpretation... You're saying that this verse only applies to participating, not simply observing or being associated with. Therefore: It's OK for me to watch something sexually immoral (pornography) so long as I don't participate in the act. It's OK for me to hang around with people swearing and cursing God so long as I don't participate. Do you REALLY think that that was the intent? I could also turn this around and use your interpretation to note that because Duke Nukem engages in these behaviors we shouldn't even TALK about Duke Nukem because it says to not let these things be spoken of among you. I don't think either of those is the interpretation. There are two common interpretations: 1) We should not put ourselves (as Believers) into situations where any of these things would be assumed to have occurred. Believers should live in such a way that such accusations are unthinkable. i.e. Don't go into a brothel because then it looks like you did something bad. 2) That we should not (as Believers) not speak of these things as though they are OK in any way as to invite people to participate in them. i.e. Don't say, "porn or bad language really isn't that bad." So... I don't think that I'm having an interpretation issue here.
  19. It says that they are not for us. But we all fall short...my inner gamer runs the show on this subject matter. I wonder if anyone would buy it if someone used this excuse for hardcore pornography?
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