Spirit Bear

This was inspired last night. I won't do a daily prayer like the Bible Reading, but occasionally to make this forum come alive will I do prayers that can indeed be prayed. You don't gotta say this or close your eyes or clasp your hands. But if you're broken too, pray to the One who mends. God, I cannot do this alone. I hurt, so badly. I really need You, because I've made a mess of things and don't know how to fix them. Can they even be fixed? Please, God, what do I do? I'm crying out to You now just as the Bible says, but what now? I just want to cry and breakdown. I want to sleep and not wake. Do you even hear me? You say You do, but do I hear You anymore? I don't know.... You seem so far away and... I just need you now.... Please, Lord.... I know You love me, and You know I love you even when I'm angry and feeling hurt, but.... I just... I don't know, God. You say You want me, but why? Why do you even care about me? Look what I've done. Look what I've thrown away. Look at how far I've run and how I always push You away. Look! I didn't listen. I did as I wanted and got myself here, but now I can't get myself back. Is this where I'm stuck to die? Or is this like they say: It's where I begin. What do You want me to do? I am pretty sure my friends hate me, my family doesn't want me, and everyone will leave me because I'm so messed up. I'm trying not to breakdown, God. I need strength. I need encouragement. I need love. I.... I need You and want You back but don't wanna run again. Will you take me back, God? You say You always forgive, but can You forgive me? Can You still use me for good? You actually still.... love... me? I love You, God. I want to be okay, now. I want to stop messing things up and finally get it right. Can you fix these broken pieces and make beauty? I trust You, Lord. But will You trust me now? Can You... please... answer....

People are constantly wronging each other. Some do it by chance, others do it for fun, and some do it out of spite. How often should we forgive those who hurt us so much? "Then Peter came up and said to Him, 'Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?' Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.'" Matthew chapter 18, verses 21 and 22. Jesus means by this that forgiveness should be perpetual. After all, God-- who we constantly wrong with every multi-daily sin-- forgives so that we may live with Him if we choose. He gives us chances (unlimited, even,) to make things right with Him so we can have a love-filled relationship. But be warned: "He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit He prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." John chapter 15, verse 2. Any grower of trees knows that a dead branch must be removed before it sucks the life-- in attempt to heal-- out of the rest of the tree. It acts as a weed, killing your crops and destroying your potential for a healthy future. In the time and place the above passage was written, water was scarce. Any plant that did not give food would not be taken care of, and any part of a plant taking up valuable water but not giving fruit would be gotten rid off and likely burned if it could be so it is of some use-- so too were branches. If it doesn't bear fruit, cut it off. It is folly or even sin. And any branch that bears edible fruit must be taken care of to make even more fruit-- so too with relationships. By taking care of them, you will see a yield of joy and life increase. By doing nothing or by letting them waste away, your joy and life in them will wither and bear you nothing. Are you forgiving others only to see their damage once more spread like weeds and choke out life? You are called to forgive, but you're not called to cultivate a crop that causes only damage and decay. Cut it off so that the rest of you may live.

*Eats paddle.* Thanks!

Committing is easy. Doing what you committed yourself to do is hard. The World, as you said, is selfish. But being Christian means we're to be selfless, aka Christ-like. As for love, it's a hard thing for me. Most of us have been hurt a number of times by those claiming to love us. I love the World but dislike much of it because it is despicable. You seem like a good person, someone to ride the river with, someone who is real in her being. Paul was an interesting man who would throw himself into any bad and deadly situation for Christ. Amazing individual.

Rejoice, my friends, for not all is lost: All is before you for the future, as the past cannot move forward. We may take the past with us, but drop it-- you have a new life to live, and one God has many wondrous things in store for. So live! "Remember not the former things, nor consider things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth-- do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Isaiah chapter 43, verses 18 and 19. We may not win every race in life, nor every battle, nor every heart, mind, or soul. We may not have the success we wanted in school, in relationships, in work, or in love. We may not have been able to obtain all we wanted to, been able to do all we want, or be where we want; but guess what? If you've tried in pure ways, you can say this: "I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race. I have kept the faith." Timothy chapter 4, verse 7. Did you try? If so, you've done as you can and therefore did not lose, for you gained the knowledge that you did try and know what not to do next time (or to do.) Did you do your best? Even Jesus did His best, yet He was rejected by His own people and nearly stoned. In the end His own community rejected Him, but He went on to change the World. Was what you tried/did for good, or for what you wanted? Life touches all those who live, not just you. Did what you do seek to benefit only yourself? We're supposed to be one body of believers. Let us benefit us all.

Now that I finally know where you live.... *Stalks you.* JK.

I just prayed for you, but you must also pray (got anyone else to talk to about it?) Some lyrics to a song fit here: "You know it's all the same. Just walk away." Indeed, walk away from wherever it is you're getting angry. Laptops are costly. *Accidentally bashed mine into my bunk-bed last night. LOL.*

Let's start with what God is not: "God is not a man, that He should lie; nor a son of man, that He should change His mind. Does He speak and then not act? Does He promise and not fulfill?" Numbers chapter 23, verse 19. God is always there for you-- yes, yes, you've heard this a lot; but it's more true than you realise. He loves you, and love wants what's best for you. He cries over you. You're His child. Do you not know what that means? His heart aches and beats for you! He won't seek to harm you, nor will He seek for you to suffer. The separation between Him and you eats away at Him, for He knows exactly how you feel in your despair and pain-filled times. God is not some distant creator who set things into motion and walked away. He's alive and real, and He's really there for you in faithful, just, righteous being. "For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes." Deuteronomy chapter 10, verse 17. He's above all else, for nothing could have come to be without Him. He made you to seek Him for a loving relationship. No law, no man or woman, no sin or devil could ever keep you away from Him, because He has authority over all. One day, they'll all fall to His feet alongside of us, and when that day comes those who held onto Him will be lifted up and be triumphant over all that claimed itself to be above God, or claimed God to be below anything else. And you will live! So praise Him. He's there and listening as we speak. Go to Him now and give Him praise, for He is the one who deserves it. Do you give Him praise regularly? All good things in your life came to be due to Him.

Thanks. In most cases, you'd want to hit the pier rather than the breakwall. The wall will break your ship as the waves throw it up against it. *Loves history and has seen a number of boats in my town in pics being shattered against piers and the wall.* I also like man-made items going back to nature. But that comes with a love of nature and being an Urban Archaeologist. (I'm heading into Natural Resource Management and "dig" for antiques in many different sites. Today I actually dug up two coins in a bottle dump: A silver Mercury dime and a Wheat penny; I then threw out a bunch of shattered glass I put in a bucket to make the area cleaner. No good bottles. :/) This is a place you'd like, then. It used to be our paper mill, which they blew half of it up: https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-WSNeeaN6WdM/VYSROYSTOVI/AAAAAAAANQo/SwEtlPmHXz8/w959-h719-no/Arctic%2BFrost%2BBite%2BCure%2Bbottle%2B137.JPG Windsurfing and kite-surfing (there's a difference) look like a couple lovely sports. People learn it in our harbor (next to the break-wall) and eventually hit up the waves out in the real lake. I don't think we have competitions here, but it must be an incredible experience. Where are you?

Make the place in your heart and mind with God to pray; prayer gives me more rest than does sleep. Play some music you like, if you can. Even walk down to a Church and enter its Sanctuary?

But what way of escape is best for you?

I used to be a writer-- I placed in a multi-city competition for it a few years back. Depression killed that. This is likely the closest thing to a story I've written all year. I also made an error. Albeit my town calls it a pier, it's actually a break-wall that protects our harbor. Lake Michigan, for those of you who don't know, is quite a violent lake. It has more ship-wrecks per square mile than most parts of the oceans. Many have never been seen again. They still go down even now days. The breakwall seems to be of 1930s construction, redone a while later. Its first half is fenced, but the last half that reaches our sound beacon is open. The thing is in dire need of repair-- the blocks making it up fall off at angles. It's cracking apart, full of shallow holes, and has signs asking people to keep off. Needless to say, I came back from it. I spent a few hours down at the lake. Waves were trying to break over the wall and were coating it in water. Wind was driving a cold rain into me. Of course, as usual, people-- such as kite-surfers-- were down there. I'm glad this story was understandable. When I get like that, even I don't understand me. Thanks for reading.

Today we'll mention anger, for it's something most of us feel. I myself had anger issues at one point. It's controlled now, for one can control his angry side with willingness, help, patience, and time. "Refrain from anger, and forsake from wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil." Psalm chapter 37, verse 8. This psalm is asking us to not let our anger blow up. When we get angry and lose control of it, we tend to do things that are not Christ-like. And being Christian... well, we're supposed to be Christ-like. Of course, even Christ got angry. Yet his anger was the righteous kind, one geared at immorality and other sinfulness of those in, for example, God's temple. I'll likely cover that later. "For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God." James chapter 1, verse 20. This verse seems to contradict what I had above said. One could make that argument, but my argument is this: How often do you act in anger to do that which is good, and therefore of God? If you get really angry-- dare I say violently pissed-- you may become violent. Is that of God, God being Love? Love is slow to anger. The Bible says so (another topic to cover later.) Remember back to when you had an anger that sought to purify something for good, not to destroy and damn. Was there a time? Or was your anger self-interested and self-consuming on a violent rampage to blow up and lash out? We all can get angry. But what will you do when you get angry? Will you try to quash it and feel it bubble beneath as a raging inferno seeking freedom? Will it be uncontainable and explode, it's evil-doing shrapnel piercing all those around you? Will you pray in your beating heart so that God may take control and lower your blood pressure, and thus your intensity, to become calm? Will you just let it go, take a breath, and walk away? Turn the other cheek, even? What will you do next time you get angry?

I'm a major post-editor. One comma missing annoys me. And I can always make the post better by saying more. LOL. To go along with the cast theme, I turned these zinc pellets into this: https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/dTnZoFij6jvIzEwFrLy8gwmtfIN-7HX3Oahh9de_sQUQ=w772-h719-no

Funny thing is, I like glass much more than metal (I collect it.) Also, your accidental pun in your glass talk-- "lil clearer."

I'm referring to casting an object in a mold. The artist carves out a mold and takes metal, melts the metal, and pours the melted metal into the mold to let it solidify. He then takes the metal object, removes excess metal, and polishes the object to something beautiful. I've done metal-working like this. You take a bunch of metal shards and bars and make it into something beautiful and unique.

"Come to me all who labor and are heavily laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew chapter 11, verse 28. Jesus asks us to come directly to Him. Don't focus on your own self, as one member here posted. Focus on Him. Pray. Look to Him, the source of all things good! Give up your burdens to God, and He will give to you peace. Love Him, for He loves you. Know it, too. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths." Proverbs chapter 3, verses 5 through 6. Trust. After all the pain you've been through, and all the broken promises and words said behind your back, and after all those who have wronged you... It's hard to trust. I have trust issues. I try to lean into what I think, for what I think is all that I have understood from my own life. But understand this: You can trust God. He truly loves you, and love does not seek to hurt you or do you wrong. God is with you. And with Him will you make it through life alive and well, spiritually well. Trust that He'll take care of you, seek Him and His will out, and do as He desires. It may hurt now, but He knows what He's doing. Every beautiful work of art cast in a mold must go through the fires to be formed into what the artist desires. He has cast you. Will you fight the beautiful things He wants for you?

Or wrong date. Don't shoot me. I would have done that myself today had I a gun.

Last night and today were Hell. But I committed myself to doing this, so here's a verse on commitment. I am too unstable, too exhausted, too hurt to do much else than this and have to do this on another forum as well. So remember to do as you committed yourself to do. "Commit your ways to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act." Psalm chapter 37, verse 5 His action was allowing me the willingness to still do this even now.

Warning, I wrote this abut tonight and what will be tomorrow... It is depressing. I don't know if you all will understand it, but yah. A message typed into the screen, his finger over the button and lightly pushing it-- but not enough to hit it. A surprisingly realistic fake candle’s shadows dancing on the ceiling from within a dark lantern hanging on the wall. He stares, not at the screen, but at the flickering light and patterns on display as it nears its fifth hour. 5 hours, and it goes off for 19 hours. What is the message, and what is important about the light? What is the message of several ex friends trying to reconcile things all in the same week after, for some, months of non-chat? Why does he feel so horrible about the one he wants to love-- as in, why, after 3 weeks to the day of non-see, does he feel like all is lost and dead? What is important about his feelings when he is hurting others because all he knows is the hurt in himself? And the light flickers on, his finger still on the black button as he just stares at the dance on the ceiling, and his eyes moisten. Music filters through his thoughts into his mind. The radio, forgotten once again, plays on. He feels as if everything is pain, and as if everyone hurts him. He knows they don’t try to, but it happens. Today went well (surprisingly,) till the evening hit-- for evening is when he collapses and he is destroyed. Almost every evening. But this one is worse than usual. How can he live when he hates himself, when his heart is dying, when loneliness pervades and regret rips through him, when he feels so immoral for something he never wanted, when scars-- physical and mental-- are constant reminders of when God did not really come through even though he cried out and fought so long and hard? How can he live as his life is blown about like a real flame on a real candle flickering in real motion with real currents of air? Is his life set to end when his own 5 hours are up? A tear, light and cool, rolls down his cheek. And he takes his finger off the button to wipe it away. Will all his pain end and fall away to reveal some grand scheme of God’s own design, one to give him life and hope and peace and some thing called lasting, real happiness? Or is that what he wants to believe from a verse taken out of its real context, a context promising an exiled Israel hope and a future and prosperity. So is he meant, then, to live in despair? Is he meant to dance in winds till he’s snuffed out? Was this all planned, himself having no real control as an all-knowing God knows it would all happen? Is his entire life just a fake candle, shadows and light all there because that’s how things must be? Could it be possible that anyone would understand his thoughts? Does anyone really knows his pains? And if so, what good is that when he still feels them? How would it make it better to know that others may feel just like he does? How do they survive when even now he thinks seriously of suicide? He drove past the lake today-- the big lake, the one known as Lake Michigan. His town’s pier is low and questionable. People get washed off, and die. It stretches out pretty far, into open, deep waters. He had typed the message in response to the need to go to that pier as the waves crash over in the early, oddly snowless, winter. “If you don’t hear from me again, good luck in life.†A simple “Mood message†for his handful of Skype contacts. His newest friend, who doesn’t understand him at all, would be devastated-- after all, he had just that night upset the one sitting there staring at a fake candle as he waits for it to go dark. But what does it matter when you’re dead? At least, after these years of self-Hell which no one knew about till he took those 30 pills, he’ll finally be over. And no one would stop him this time, unlike at the bridge-- was it two years ago now? Every day, and especially the night, is so long… so why do these years of torture go by so quickly? And why is the candle still flickering on? Isn’t it the fifth hour now? He checks the time…. He turned it on at a bit past 6 pm. It’s nearly 1 am. Why has it not ended? It always goes off after 5 hours. And so he waits for the candle to flicker out, so he can post the message, so in the morning he can go down to the pier, so he can try once more to escape this constant problem called himself-- a problem that has been there for over 19 years, and one he cannot solve. Is life a game of Russian Roulette? Every time he gets this bad, to where he goes from “okayâ€-- okay being relative to times such as now-- to “suicidalâ€-- suicidal, for him, being about to act on it-- is just another spin of the chamber for that one bullet that takes you out. He switches tabs. He stares at a chat of “friends†who call themselves Christian, which do one feeble-- pathetic-- attempt to show “caring,†in which they then give up because they truly don’t give a damn about others not themselves, or just like they-- why is he different and isolated? Why did his life-circumstances make it so he’d be very unlikely to be “normal?†Or happy regularly? Or even able to take off a well-thought-out and elaborate mask of happiness that is such an easy act it’s now natural? Some of those “friends†ignore him, often-- and it always seems to be on the times he hurts the worst. Do people not know that…. Never mind. He finally gave up on thinking that those who seem to value him actually, truly ca-- The dim room goes dark save for a dimmed screen illuminating his grey-looking hands and old blue T-shirt. The candle is off, and now he stares blindly at the dark corner where it must still hang. Soon he’ll stare at the waves in the same way, equally as unseeing even with the morning light, as he contemplates deeper than the lake itself. And the question remains: Will his 5 hours be up?

We're called to share the Word of God with the World. "Go into all the world and preach the Gospel to every creature." Mark chapter 16, verse 15. But we are warned, and I'd use Revelation 22:18-19 for it, but that would be taking things out of context (and thus defeat the purpose of my message.) Yet I believe it rings true for those who add to or remove from God's Word (but it's not about that which I think.) "Do not add to His words, lest He rebuke you and you be found a liar." Proverbs chapter 30, verse 6. And we all know that liars will not enter the Kingdom of God, as is said in 1 Corinthians 6. Certainly you don't want God Himself to say that you lie, so be sure to keep in check what you say-- so that it is accurately reflective of the Bible. You may think it would benefit you (selfish) or others (good intentions, which usually go wrong when not based on God-filled pure and moral right,) to simply twist words, take them out of context, or even add to because you think this or that.... but it's not a good idea. Do you preach? And if you do, are you guilty of what could be called slander and what could be called libel? Think about it. It really is, in the end, the same thing. Preach the truth, not your own ideas, or your own self will never see the Kingdom you say you stand for. It's not about winning. It's about truth for living.

"Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person commits a sin against his own body." 1 Corinthians chapter 6, verse 18. It looks like impure thoughts and actions damage us, upset God, and lead down all the wrong roads you want but will wreck on. So check yourself before you wreck yourself (yes, I found an actually appropriate use for that quote. Be amazed.) "For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater,) has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God." Ephesians chapter 5, verse 5. It also looks like cheating and sexual impurity (orgies, sex out of marriage, bestiality, sexual role-play, etc.) have no room in the Kingdom. Therefore, we who willing choose/engage in such immoralities will not have the kingdom either. Is temporary pleasure now that pains God worth an eternal loss of God-filled pleasure that comes later? Will you chose your own wants, or will you choose what is actually right and that which leads to good for you and others? Why are we choosing anything else?

I like shoe-boots.

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John chapter 1, verse 9. We sin. #Duh. (Why do people even use hashtags anymore?) Anyway..... When we sin, why hold it in us so that we do not let ourselves learn and overcome? If we don't make it known, how can we ever heal? We cannot heal ourselves. The One Who knows all things can. He wants you to confess to Him so that you can have an active, open, honest relationship with He who loves and forgives, for He is love. Who is this One who loves and forgives and seeks you out? "...there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Jesus Christ." 1 Timothy, chapter 2, verse 5. Jesus is the One to talk to. And through Him you shall reach the Father.