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#1 Akarynth

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Posted 12 September 2015 - 11:26 AM

Hey there again people of this quiet side of the universe, I have started some work on some instrumental tracks with indie games in mind for the theme, looking for a bit of feedback or ideas for the progression of the tracks, or things that might be improved upon etc, have a listen and tell what you think eh...

 

https://soundcloud.com/akarynth

 

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#2 Penter

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Posted 12 September 2015 - 12:06 PM

Nice! I'd give critique, but I'm about at the same point you are, if you aren't better than me.

 

Anyways, you have a new follower on soundcloud!


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#3 Akarynth

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Posted 12 September 2015 - 02:08 PM

Thanks ye, I certainly have a long long way to go yet but I'm really trying to focus on my creative arts and put a lot of energy into the direction of a music career, one can hope and dream!

 

Hope I don't disappoint my new followers!


Micah 7:19 says "You will again have compassion on us; You will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea", therefore, do not go fishing for your sins. They are forever forgotten.

#4 JosiahTiger

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Posted 13 September 2015 - 02:20 AM

yayyy. another fur to follow on soundcloud ^.^

dude. this is chill. i love the drum machine you used and the sounds are pretty rad. 

what daw did you use?


From your punk rocking hipster skateboarding music playing hippy. *lights a cig, sighs*


#5 Akarynth

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Posted 13 September 2015 - 09:33 AM

Nice! I'd give critique, but I'm about at the same point you are, if you aren't better than me.

 

Hmm I've been listening to your music and I think you're at a better point than I am in writing wise, just probably my equipment gives my stuff that bit more of a higher quality / professional sound since it's expensive stuff lol, but as of where my work is simply chord based yours is more directional with some interesting arp's mixed in and good mixing at that. I think the main difference between our works though is that yours has a more arcade theme sound, mine is more geared toward cinematic sort of sound

 

 

yayyy. another fur to follow on soundcloud ^.^

dude. this is chill. i love the drum machine you used and the sounds are pretty rad. 

what daw did you use?

 

Thanks much, uh as for a daw... pretty much all cubase with lots of plugins? lol


Micah 7:19 says "You will again have compassion on us; You will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea", therefore, do not go fishing for your sins. They are forever forgotten.

#6 JosiahTiger

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Posted 14 September 2015 - 12:17 PM

ahh. is cubase free?


From your punk rocking hipster skateboarding music playing hippy. *lights a cig, sighs*


#7 Akarynth

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Posted 14 September 2015 - 03:10 PM

ahh. is cubase free?

Eh nope, it can cost anywhere between $100 upto over $600 depending on the version you buy


Micah 7:19 says "You will again have compassion on us; You will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea", therefore, do not go fishing for your sins. They are forever forgotten.

#8 JosiahTiger

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Posted 15 September 2015 - 01:33 AM

ahh


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#9 r2packey rat

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Posted 15 September 2015 - 05:37 PM

Very nice!

#10 Rythe

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Posted 20 September 2015 - 01:58 AM

Hello!

I am going to be a bit biased as you're doing a style I quite enjoy, which is a lot about the texture of the music from moment to moment. Also the usual warning - live audio mixing was my bag, so I know just enough about talking music to be dangerous.

Mainsail Part 1 -

 

For the very beginning stretch to about 0:20, your flatter sustain on the notes (compared to later) seems regrettable to me. It's teasing without being really descriptive, but I think adding in the ghost of another element, having it quietly fade in and out or make brief little appearances, might do the trick rather than reworking the melody line there. That wood block-y percussion instrument you used at the very end would be my first suggestion. In contrast, 0:20 - 0:41 was much more the thing, in part because of the bass guitar being added in and in part because you showed more of what you were developing with the melody line.

 

I wasn't a fan of the snare. First version because you pillowed it to the point where it sounded a bit too much like the bass/kick drum. Second version because it and the high hat stepped away from the rest of the song and obscured said song by them being hot level-wise and sucking up all the space in the higher frequency range. It felt like those two instruments became 80% of the track while they were there, while also being the least interesting parts going on.  When the second snare was left on it's own at the very end, it became pretty apparent that the slightly twangy tone of it didn't mesh well with the electronica tone and style of the track too. On the high hat I'm more forgiving, but still a bit too hot and pervasive a presence while there.

 

I really liked what you did with the wood block-y percussion instrument, but felt it was a touch too soft. I had to turn up the volume on my speakers to get a good sense of them. It's a fine line you're trying to walk with them being a quieter background presence, and you're close but not quite.

 

But overall, I really liked Mainsail Part 1. I liked the tone and style of the electronica elements, all the variations and work you put into the melody line, the driving bass line (drum & guitar) and melody line at 0:41 - 1:00, how you changed up the bass line with that wood block-y percussion bit was a great and well-composed accent at the end (especially how it played off the kick drum at 1:45 - 2:04), and the 1:45 - 2:04 stretch was a great breakdown of what had gone before in general, adding in some breathing/negative space to the song. I would quite enjoy seeing this track expanded and developed to the 4ish minute mark. The melody line also reminds me of one or two other songs I can't quite put my claw on...

 

Mainsail Part 2 -

Quite enjoyed the piano, but the levels on this track are too soft in general, particularly those edgy/eerie string and whirring industrial elements which basically have the same problem as the wood blocky-y instrument of Mainsail Part 1 - a bit too soft, to the point where sometimes you're wondering if you actually heard them or not.  Those two elements also seem out of place without a broader context of why they might be there. It's one of those things that could work really well in a game, but are kind of a question mark without said context.  Not particularly bothersome as they are, at any rate, even a bit interesting, but would probably be a good thing if what they represent became a stronger, more developed presence in the track later on.

 

A great start with these two Mainsail parts, Akarynth! Keep it up. ^^


Edited by Rythe, 20 September 2015 - 01:59 AM.

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#11 Akarynth

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Posted 21 September 2015 - 01:29 AM

Thanks very much, you're right about dangerous lol, but that's the sort of feedback I'm after and most certainly very helpful, maybe I should get you listening to all the tracks I've been working on for my EP lol.

 

The latest on these two tracks is that for part 2 I've figured some ways to move it forward so it changes from a darker sound to a sudden uplifting motivational scale after the piano buildup where a couple string ensembles kick in with staccato and spiccato playing styles with the piano - also thinking of adding in bass... Then it'll probably slow down again and maybe take more emphasis on the synthy sounds as suggested...

 

Part 1 is going to be a challenge to expand on, still thinking of the idea of having the part at the end as a drum fill which then introduces a guitar solo... Maybe also adding a guitar to spice up that middle part with just the bass and drums because I'm starting to think it sounds a bit bland at that point, and then will work with the drums a bit more - probably play with the decibel levels and such I guess, decided to go with an acoustic drum as opposed to electronic drum due to influence from the Judge Dredd opening soundtrack, hoping the acoustic sound would add a touch of grit to the song

https://www.youtube....h?v=Fgb1ldZRVOY

Maybe I should play with the drum rythm some more... always so many possibilities it makes my head spin


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#12 JosiahTiger

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Posted 21 September 2015 - 12:22 PM

hehehe. i know how that goes. and so does penter XP


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#13 JosiahTiger

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Posted 21 September 2015 - 12:25 PM

i really like the atmosphericness that you're going for. this genre is awesome! 


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#14 Akarynth

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Posted 21 September 2015 - 02:25 PM

Hey maybe while I've got y'all here, you can give some ideas on a couple of my EP tracks as well!

E.g. My bluesy alt rock song I've been working on which pretty much revolves around one chord with a nice odd tuning - it's a slower bpm song with clean guitar... so far I'm up to working on the breakdown / solo, then final chorus and outro http://www.mediafire...6sw1a5/rock.mp3

 

Also one of my other favorites I've been playing with for my EP, a more dancey bass driven track as of where so far I'm only up to the prechorus... gotta come up with some chords and whatever I'm gonna do with the chorus... I'm thinking of some arpeggio on the guitar or something... http://www.mediafire...45/firstmin.mp3

 

I think so far those are my two favorites... Then I've got several other more guitar driven songs, a couple with some more lead guitar riffs throughout, a couple more on the side of heavier rock toward metal, and then a cheerful little piano song inspired by U2's Ordinary Love that I can't get past the intro on yet...

 

Oh yeah, no vocals yet, haven't got the right vocal recording gear yet... And still working on my vocal style... yeah


Edited by Akarynth, 21 September 2015 - 02:26 PM.

Micah 7:19 says "You will again have compassion on us; You will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea", therefore, do not go fishing for your sins. They are forever forgotten.

#15 Rythe

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Posted 21 September 2015 - 08:55 PM

Quite welcome.

Hmm, I've listened to Mainsail Part 1 a few more times, and changed my opinion on a few things. Do note that the only reason I'm digging into this song as much as I am is because I like it a lot and see a lot of potential in it, but potential I feel hasn't been completely tapped yet.
 

Scrap my previous comments on the intro. I think I mostly want it to make that initial changeup closer to the 18 second mark rather than the 21 second mark. The slow, teasing lead-in does work, but it's just a touch long to my tastes.

For level adjustments, the electronica accent first used at the 24 second mark could go up a little, while the synth, bass drum and that wood percussion thing can all go up more.  The high hat is basically at the level you want it, just need to bring every else up in line with it comparatively. Still might be hot presence-wise, and I'm not sure if the levels on the bass guitar would need adjustments or not. Which is to say, the song is mixed soft compared to industry standard these days, and Part 2 is even softer.

 

The remaining weaknesses are more structural, so this is where I'm likely to shoot myself in the foot when I get on this soap box of mine.  You've got half a foot in progressive style tracks and one and a half in composing music with Mainsail Part 1. By progressive style tracks, I mean layering in instruments as time goes on without much changing what said instruments are doing. It's a cheat, basically, where it's typically slowly warming up for the first 80% of the track and then has something worth turning into a song for the last 20% of the track - at which point, said track just ends.

What I would like to see is you step fully into composing with Mainsail Part 1. To tell you what I mean by that, I dug up my favorite song in this genre (Solar Sailer remix by Pretty Lights) in the off chance I might manage to say/show something intelligent with a comparison. And by 'theme', I basically mean the melody line plus associated accents below.
 

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Composing music differs starkly from making progressive tracks in that composing involves developing and exploring the theme (melody line) and arranging those developments and explorations into a cohesive whole. For Solar Sailer, that's both the structural blocks arranged as shown along with the multiple Theme Variations, and for Solar Sailer, it also involves hinting at the next Theme Variation ahead of time and other things that I'm sure mostly fly over my head at this point.

 

Mainsail Part 1 isn't quite there yet, so first some more specific critiques.

Intro - I think you made a slight hash of your intro with the progression of the elements. It kinda feels like the bass guitar comes in too early and steals some of the thunder from the little flourishes that get added to the melody at 0:30. So I'd say you could play around here some more to get a bit more from the intro, and along the way, the intro as a whole could be lengthened a touch too. Do quite like the bass guitar coming in here though.

 

Dropping in that snare at 0:58 is kinda like a weird, almost transition between the first theme variation and the interlude... I'd say this is one of those progressive track missteps subbing in for a proper transition.

 

Interlude v2 + Theme - This is almost a Theme Variation 2, but falls a little short. On one paw, it's the interlude with a different snare and the theme dropped into the background, and on the other, it's basically using the raw version of your melody line which works better with the breakdown rather than as a variation of the theme. It's not bad, and after some thought, I think it could work well if it was separated from the first interlude and used as a distinct second one, probably transitioning into the breakdown as now. 

The last 10 seconds seems like you put some higher energy instruments back in just to have it all run out of steam. It's not a particularly satisfying end. Simply leaving the breakdown to ghost out piece by piece woulda worked better, methinks.
 

But I think the biggest takeaway here is that Mainsail Part 1 is two Theme Variations and a proper Outro away from having all the basic pieces of Solar Sailor, which would extend it to that 3ish minute song mark. To get closer to 4 minutes, you could extend all of those pieces (sans the interludes) without them overstaying their welcome and possibly repeat a section like Solar Sailer does. You already have a solid core for a great song, so again, would be pleased to see it fleshed out fully.

 

I will be seeing about those EPs later, I think.


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#16 Akarynth

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Posted 22 September 2015 - 01:14 AM

Woo, maybe I should have you on as a producer lol, exactly the sort of stuff that helps and why I always hate working alone. If only I could pull together tracks like Daft Punk can too lol, though my experience in electronic is extremely little so far...

 

So I spent a good amount playing around with part 1 last night, just mostly around the interlude though like I've changed up the bass line a bit with extra notes and experimented with a new drum rhythm that really picks up the tempo and sounds pretty cool I think but not too sure so far whether it works with the theme of the song... maybe as a breakdown though... I'd upload it if I could but I seem to be having a lot of problems with uploading anything recently, the connection is being broken... But yeah! I'll certainly have a heap more work to do with this thing...


Micah 7:19 says "You will again have compassion on us; You will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea", therefore, do not go fishing for your sins. They are forever forgotten.




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