All Mixed Up Inside

[BJbear2001† 0]

I'm writing to ask for some prayer for comfort, spiritual encouragement, joy, and love.

 

Every once in a while, I will see something so astounding that it fills me with a false joy. This false joy can be so strong that a bounce back to reality feels more like falling of a clif and bouncing off a boulder(been there literally). I'm a huge fan of the Vocaloids and off shoots. This morning, I was looking around for vids that featured the Miku Miku Dance rigs, songs, and great dances. Instead, I ventured off to see what Miku(a vocaloid member) did to open for a concert for Lady Gaga. One great vid of live performances by Vocaloid after another and then I came to a capture of the 2013 Niconico Party Cho. A half hour of goose bumps and heart throbs later, I sooo wished that I could've experienced something so epic as that concert party that it was massively depressing to realize where I am now... Sitting at a computer, before my work shift begins.

 

That land of 3D figures, heart throb singing, moving speaker sounds, crowds with light sticks... it's nowhere near my reality. And it hurts so much. I know that there will be better in Heaven, but I can't imagine that there will be Niconico concerts singing of human experiences.  I know that it will be more like a great Third Day worship concert... but I can't get Miku out of my heart right now where God belongs.

 

Please pray anything for me. My heart is in a lot of turmoil. Thanks and Jah bless!

Edited August 19, 2015 by BJbear2001

[SuperKuddlor† 0]

You should fast from that. Every time you feel the loss or think of replacing the loss with something unreal, just pray to God. So if you in one day would be searching for replacements 30 times, you'd be praying 30 times instead. Have a week of fasting and you get 210 prayers! That's a lot! You'll feel wonderful!

[Geoffrey von Westtal† 0]

Brother, I know how you feel. I've been there, and with lesser things than Vocaloids and Miku. Music is something incredibly beautiful in a world full of so much ugliness. Your love for music, I think, is more on track than one might suppose. Your heart recognizes the Fall, and has clung to one of the things which can truly lift us up to God if done properly. In fact, a very great philosopher I follow, Dr. Peter Kreeft from Boston College, has once said there was an argument for God's existence from beauty. His version of it is "The music of Bach exists, therefore God must exist." I think you may understand that better than I, but I think it holds true.

 

That said, I do understand your concern as well. G.K. Chesterton, another wonderful Christian philosopher (and hopefully he will be named a saint soon), once said that "every man who knocks on the door of a brothel is looking for God." The corollary to that is that he's looking in the wrong place. Our hunger for beauty can be a snare, and it can be something that lifts you up. It's a matter of where you seek that beauty. That comes down to two things: where you are now, and where God is calling you. 

 

The first point can be summed up by a quote from St. Josemaria Escriva: â€œGod is not removing you from your environment. He is not taking you away from the world, or from your condition in life, or from your noble human ambitions, or from your professional work... But he wants you to be a saint — right there!†Additionally, we can add the quote from Dostoevsky, "Beauty will save the world." Put these together, and maybe you have a bit of hope and direction. If beauty is a gift from God (a grace), and we are to bear grace to the world, then consider bringing that beauty into where you're at. People can't argue with beauty, even if they want to argue with truth. Be the salt and light people starve for in this day and age, because I can guarantee you that you're not alone in your starvation. The sinfulness of the world is proof of that. As is your own sinfulness. Examine your conscience: tell me if you can find any evil in you that is not driven by a desire for what you know to be a good. The goods you seek are merely sought in the wrong way, as an end rather than a means to God. Your vices and virtues will both lead you to where you need to go, if you dig into the root of them and examine what God made you to desire.

 

Now, as to where God's calling you. God, my dear brother, is calling you to greatness. You can feel this in your bones. This is the pain of your heart. You have vision, a vision of a world better than what you're seeing with your physical eyes. That is in part why you've worked so hard in your ministry. That is in part why you turned away from certain cesspools. That is in part why you admire the greatness you see in others. I will tell you one thing. I want to see you go where God calls you, because then you will be a saint and a light to the world. You will be like the red lamp that is in every single Catholic Church that tells us that Christ is present. You will be like the Bach music, which shows the existence of God by its very excellence. Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, then all goods will follow.

Brother, have courage in the fear and anger. Persevere, and love our God. In your heart, by your words, and by your deeds shout Long Live Christ the King! Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.

 

As a parting word, know that even when you feel God is absent, and His glory to be muffled, His glory never changes and it will remain with you even when you can't see it. Even if you rejected it (which I doubt you would knowingly do) it would remain. God is here for you, Bro. Don't have to wait for Heaven.

[BJbear2001† 0]

Thank you, guys, for the prayer and uplifting words! I felt much better toward the end of the day, so I know that you all were praying for me.

 

I do love music and anyone who's seen that in me knows that I'm the bane of Pandora Radio's existence because they'll never find just one music genre for me. I love all kinds of songs.  Songs like "Collide" by Skillet tug on the spiritual power house inside me; songs like "Sleep" by Plumb tug on my maternal side; songs like "Fireflies" by Owl City bring out the free kid in me; songs like "Angels and Serpents Dance" by P.O.D. bring out the persevering Christian in me. Songs like "How do you know" by P.O.D. bring out the peace maker in me.....  Songs affect me deeply. I'm an INFJ after all.

 

Thank you, guys, for your prayer and uplifting words! I can't wait for the concert in Heaven that is coming any day now!

Selah. 

Jah bless!

[Penter† 0]

I completely understand how this can be, and I'm sure many other people here do as well. We so often get trapped in these fake realities- They feel so good at the time. Yet, it hurts to come back to reality. 

 

I know you already know this, but just remember- These things are not inherently bad. It's when you start Worshipping creation over the creator when it becomes wrong. 

 

Two things I would recommend- Try reading your Bible more first and foremost. It can often be hard to get into the word after forgetting for so long, but just a few minutes a day really helps. It's worth it in the long run.

 

Also, Try to get more involved serving. Whenever I feel alone or detached, I always try to find a place to serve. It might seem silly at first, but I feel most real in a humbling position such as this- whether it be serving food for homeless, or just taking care of nursery at church. 

 

I will definitely be praying for you. Reality is tough, sometimes. 

[poleposition16† 0]

disney movies would do this to me. getting sucked into that world. then dumped out. Zootopia might do it.

[SuperKuddlor† 0]

I'm gonna say something:

Being in reality too much is bad because it hurts.

Being in virtual world too much is bad because it confuses your brain.

But being in both and getting the best out of both is the best thing to do.