Forgotten thereafter

[Thomas, Maltuin 1]

http://hellopoetry.com/poem/1188226/forgotten-thereafter/

 

I'm open to renaming this poem if anyfur haz an ideaburger.

 

Digress

 

Suggestions?

[eagle god-heart 0]

whats it about the sites blocked here?

[Thomas, Maltuin 1]

Sensation al

be it warm,

turn s lightly

frigid as

 

The moon,

in visible

spectrum by

reflection,

 

a s un

doing kindled

friend ships

lost to

 

Frigid

Forgotten

Fall a sea

Edited May 21, 2015 by Thomas Maltuin

[eagle god-heart 0]

from what i could under stand its a nice poem.

[Thomas, Maltuin 1]

Well thank you

[BJbear2001† 0]

I don't completely understand the following segment:

"a sun doing kindled friendships lost to"

The sun isn't lost if it is reflected and the moon is not the sun's close friend if it is separated by a visible light spectrum.

I understand this is about the moon and sun greeting and leaving one another, so here's how I would write it:

 

The sun

In sensual warmth

gives birth

 

Aire cools

The protoge' steps into vissible spectrum

reflecting its parents light

 

Changing times

Kindled friendships lost

 

Frigid

Forgotten

Fall season over seas

[Thomas, Maltuin 1]

Actually, that isn't how Intended the poem. The poem was actually meant to be a bit misleading however. Notice the odd spacing. The line before ends with a floating 'a'. If attached to the smallest below it can be interpreted as, "as undoing kindled friendships

 

This poem may be broken. It was experimental for sure. I was hoping someone would notice that the first stanza could also be read as "sensation albeit warm"

 

Your interpretation and parody are nice though

Edited May 20, 2015 by Thomas Maltuin

[Thomas, Maltuin 1]

*made an edit to original post which is also reflected on my hello poetry page. Thank you bjbear for the comment. You helped me realize that the a is better on the next line down.

 

I'd also like to note, since time has passed and no one here has mentioned it, the last line may also be read as "fallacy"

Edited May 21, 2015 by Thomas Maltuin

[Lu-Man† 0]

I would have titled the poem "frigid".  One becomes it seems to be about the loss of a relationship, which can leave one feeling very frigid.  Secondly, because the metaphors surrounding it are dealing with temperature, going from warmth to coldness.  The titling it "frigid" would definitely fit both metaphors.