I imagine myself a writer

[Alric Evelyn Wilmot† 0]

I enjoy writing and thought I'd like to hear people's thoughts about my work. I've decided to include three poems right now, and will update this irregularly.

 

The Fickle Sea

 

 

The calming waters lick the shore.

The clouds give off ominous roar.

The waters surge and the waters race.

They pound against the rocky face.

The lightning flashes; the thunder screams.

Then it ends, reminiscent of a dream.

and once more,

calm waters lick the shore.

 

 

War

 

 

The flag is raised,

the fires burn.

The guns they blaze,

freedom must be earned.

 

The troops trudge on,

the hill is stormed,

the patriots fail in waking dawn.

And in their wake, the country mourns

 

The citizen tires of the fight;

The soldier questions what is right.

 

 

Haiku

 

 

Lightning flashes light,

giving way to the darkness.

But there is nothing.

 

 

New Poem inspired by Galantine's Free-verse poem

 

Shades of Gray

 

 

Fire and ice

Light and dark

Two sides of the same coin

So tell me, my friend, what side are you on?

For I have learned a sad sad fact.

That, indeed, our world is not quite flat

Some say that they overlap

Fire and ice giving way to water,

Black and white giving way to gray

And I ask myself is anything quite clear as night and day?

But through this life I’ve lived,

Though there is some knowledge that I lack

I think it safe to say

There are no shades of gray

Only lighter shades,

Of black

 

 

Hope

 

 

Hope sits in her chair awaiting care;

For without it she shall wither and die.

She depends on us, so we must try,

To keep her from Death's cruel lair.

She must be fed, and given clothes to wear,

And given a bed in which to lie.

But if you allow her to end to come nigh,

Then in her place shall come Despair.

 

Despair, cold and cruel, Death's loyal brother.

You must be weary with him so near,

For he always invites his brother over.

But Hope, if kept alive, and uncovered,

Shall invite Life and banish fear.

To keep her well, be vigilant and sober.

 

 

Fear

 

Fear the Blind Destroyer, herald of Despair

He promises aid, but gives only sorrow

He speaks of hopeless days and tomorrows,

He claims that reality is his lair

He lies! His freedom is chained and laid bare,

His toxic lies are silenced with truth's arrow.

But be warned if you have no truth then borrow

But be warned twice, the true truth is quite rare

 

You must be vigilant though rare it may be

For without it you will give in to despair

Because only the truth will set you free

From the bonds of Fear's malevolent snare

 

 

Passion

 

 

Passion, itself, is not a sin or a wrong.

It is the departure of many a man,

It may breed lust, or hate, as many things can.

Or it may breed love, of which we sing in song.

Passion breeds in man all the yearlong;

But with it, so to does Hate's evil plan,

To meld with passion in the heart of man.

Hate, destined for fire, wishes for us to come along.

 

Resist and you will not suffer fire,

Breed love, instead, in your passionate heart,

That was given to man a long time ago,

That we have forgone in our sinful desire,

That secretly wishes to rend us apart,

So that your love can truly show.

 

[JuliaWolf† 0]

Very awesome! I loved The Fickle Sea.

[Valadius† 0]

Very nice! ^^

[Galantine Knight Misticore† 0]

I like "The Fickle Sea" nice use of rhyme and imagery, but I would say not to get too attached to rhyme and just allow your imagery to flow any way you can. I also try not to use a title that describes the whole event (as much as I try not to But the Fickle Sea is a nice title for that poem with the word Fickle being mysterious or eye catching), I try to leave it in mystery so we can try to picture it in the mind while reading the poem. But by far very nice.

 

 

I hope you dont mind but I hope by sharing one of my poems it can give you an idea

 

Day Dream

 

My home is lost

this place runs like a spinning hive

lacking the savoring solitude

and consumes available distance

I eat alone on windy grass

crowded with cool dampness of

fresh smelling earth as I smile at the

buildings. Yet this isolate picture

does not contain truth.

My mind travels through space to

distant battlefields and long

avoided dreams, walking towards

a hand outstretched before

shimmering falls of fire as silver

water licks its feet with glaring

stars and piercing beauty displays

wonders of revolving mystery so fast that

it slings back to earth as my eye catches

a grass hopper chirping.

 

 

 

The title is day dream but see how it is not revealed as one from the start, The poem first takes place in reality then comes back to reality in the end. Also notice how you can perform a nice rhythm of words that seem to flow when read at a constant speed near the end(even though the words seem a bit jambit the throwing off of rhythm from the start helps to catch you off guard for when the rhythm happens near the end). I feel that imagery can do much better when used in that fashion. All in all though I really enjoyed reading your poems, I might try to use rhyme again, but my creative writing professor always said try not to obey the rules of rhyme and just let it flow naturally.

[Alric Evelyn Wilmot† 0]

I like the imagery' date=' but I think the rhyme is distracting, especially rhyming things like "burn" and "earned" to one another.

[/quote']

 

True it isn't a traditional rhyme. But near-rhymes are sometimes used when the imagery is more important. However, I applaud you for pointing this out. My old Creative Writing teacher was the one to teach me about near-rhymes, and it's nice to see that it sticks out.

 

Also, that free-verse poem of yours is quite unique, Galantine, but I prefer to have rhymes, even if they aren't perfect. And to be honest, if someone prefers their work to rhyme, their creativity will flow more freely. Each poet is different, each writer has a different style. What work's for one may not work for another. Besides, naming your poem is half the fun!

 

Though, I shall see what I can do. But I won't be abandoning Rhyme completely.

[fackel† 0]

You seem to have a pretty decent sense of rhythm in "The Fickle Sea" up until you say "reminiscent" (just try reading it out loud without any punctuation), but you seem to feel the need to endstop every line. Y'might try sprinkling in a little enjambment now and then and see what it does.

 

(EDIT: Oh, whoops! Sorta ninja'd.)

[Alric Evelyn Wilmot† 0]

Actually, I do have a few poems with enjambment, and I'll be posting them too. Thank you for looking at them. (also I have just added a new sonnet.)

[SpaceFox† 0]

Very good work Alric, pleasant transistions and thoughtful imagery.

[Alric Evelyn Wilmot† 0]

Thank you, I've just added a new one.

[riddle kat† 0]

ace!

[Alric Evelyn Wilmot† 0]

Added a new sonnet.