Jim Floyd† 0 Report post Posted May 19, 2011 The idea here is just to show off your poetry skills or give constructive criticism to others. It can be any form of poetry you like, hiakus (if I spelled it right), music, freeform, whatever is the most fun Here's a couple of mine... The few, the proud. True leaders of our day. Are sought after by robbers, Who seek to tear them down. Watch your words, thoughts, and deeds. And all your secret devious things. For one day in the future, To god we'll have to plead. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
riddle kat† 0 Report post Posted May 19, 2011 Will we critique as well? YYYYYYEEEEEEEES PLZ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jim Floyd† 0 Report post Posted May 19, 2011 Will we critique as well? YYYYYYEEEEEEEES PLZ That is basically what I meant :/ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jim Floyd† 0 Report post Posted May 21, 2011 :-/ Who just removed their own posts? I'm sorry that I haven't replied in time due to some other things in life. SO to whoever it was, I liked the heavy use of metaphors (it stood out to me the most)- especially the one with the potter and mold. And I liked your critique too. It made me realize how much I need to refine my poetry over, and over again and to not rush them. I also decided to pull up two Haikus that I've done in the past... Vagrant Vagrant rank on street. Fetid rat, or blameless child? Watchful eyes of shame. Christmas Tree Jungle of color, Music for opening eyes. Strangely calming. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Galantine Knight Misticore† 0 Report post Posted May 21, 2011 Day Dream My home is lost this place runs like a spinning hive lacking the savoring solitude and consumes available distance I eat alone on windy grass crowded with cool dampness of fresh smelling earth as I smile at the buildings. Yet this isolate picture does not contain truth. My mind travels through space to distant battlefields and long avoided dreams, walking towards a hand outstretched before shimmering falls of fire as silver water licks its feet with glaring stars and piercing beauty displays wonders of revolving mystery so fast that it slings back to earth as my eye catches a grass hopper chirping. One of my first poems in poetry classThe birds cry in the night Spitting blood on clean cement I still manage to hold the sword back shaking in nervous quake ice on the back of my neck I am frozen with fear like icicles in the wind. Violent winds pick me up as another kick rolls into my gut. falling now from a great height I block another strike to the right quick counter with the heat scraping my blade to his feet he smiles that devilish smile as if rain could turn into steam sound of the blade like thunder crack we see each other’s grin. This battle so afraid I was but now I see the blissful glare as reflection of moon bounces in the night each other’s swing filled with crimsoning light. Cut like butter in a knife ice climbs up my splitting side crying like a child with wounded sight brings me tears of painful might raging stab sings it love as burning hurt fills its grudge standing side to side waiting for the silent thud. The tree in the corner across river of glittering falls gives me one last thought how beautiful was this valiant fought fear in love rage is lost as blood puddle greets the night sky with plain mirror of solid flail so do the birds of this distant tree give their final wail. Silent like the buds of a flower I give into gravity in no sweet sorrow. This was one a little further along in the class hope you enjoy Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jim Floyd† 0 Report post Posted May 21, 2011 What I liked most about both of your poems was the imagery. It wasn't hard picturing what was going on in them, and the similes weren't bad. The birds cry in the night (is that the title?) was cool. Not many poems I read contain fighting scenes, blood, and devilish grins . This wasn't really a critique, because I'm no good at that; it was more of a compliment Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Galantine Knight Misticore† 0 Report post Posted May 21, 2011 So far I have enjoyed reading others poems, Thanks for the complement, I enjoy the rhymes Jim and how you can end the poem effectively, but perhaps try working with a smaller topic if trying to perform this, it seams like your trying to get everything in one poem and its all fighting for attention. I liked the smaller topics of Vagrant and Christmas tree, short and sweetly expressed. When ever I write poetry I try to describe an event without fully revealing it all in one statement. The imagery is also important as it draws out the imagination of the reader. FoxBunny I enjoyed Clay and Two and Done but Birds feels like your trying to explain what the poem means at the end, its better if you leave the reader to find out, cause it will give them something to ponder on. OK enough of my criticism Good work! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Galantine Knight Misticore† 0 Report post Posted May 22, 2011 Yeah I guess if it has to follow a certain form it must work to those constraints, sorry if the criticism was incorrect for I have little experience in "Roundalet" My poems don't seem to follow any kind of form, they just continue with imagery that I try to build upon a story of some kind. Here is another example of what I mean, Nightmare Paranoid beyond imagination dreams blurred as white foxes dance with their silly tails oh how I wish I were alive to see the crystal green room filled with blue gemstones and red daggers that figit with emotion. Is it not enough this demon sword that strikes my soul causing aggravation and misery like freshly torn black letters thrown into a turqoise fire as if a joke was to long to tell. Will I endeavor through pits filled with silver gray spiders spinning webs made of stars that distract the mind with each rotation of a galaxy. Terrified of deep thought like a cherry swallowed into a green smoothie makes my heart thirsty, but the counter is to high for little arms. Yet this in death is just a dream as I wake up to find the morning air filled with sweet smelling rain. Even then its not over as a prince parries with his purple silk jester. Yeah allot of random imagery thrown together...... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Galantine Knight Misticore† 0 Report post Posted May 23, 2011 ah so that's how you spell the word fidget (yeah to irritate or mess with) thanks for the help, and Ill try that kind of form, sounds interesting. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites