In the Playground with a Squirrel

[Fieuline Tabby† 0]

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Edited June 28, 2013 by John Smith

[chess123mate† 0]

Aww... neat! I like the last line XD

 

A couple of small things I found:

"Only pin-heads use words like Lorrunx"

Capitalized 'L'?

Same with "... Me and Laura" near the end.

 

"taking that damn squirrel and thrashing it"

Check the wording / vocabulary. For a children's short story? I suggest revising out "damn" and replacing "thrashing", but that could be just me...

[Fieuline Tabby† 0]

Oo;; Oops. Yup, I noticed that "damn" thing before... I'll be sure to fix it ^^

 

Thanks for reading over that and pointing everything out! It's always helpful x3

[Fieuline Tabby† 0]

Toward what age is this directed?

 

Oh, none in particular. I guess fairly young kids (say, 12) should be able to get it, but I wasn't thinking of it as being the kind of story you'd have read to you in preschool or anything.