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Freedom without verse?


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#1 Thomas Maltuin

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Posted 14 December 2014 - 01:51 AM

A poem
I was struck with inspiration at random per the usual and I must let it out before it fades away or dominates my mind.

What is,
A story without a plot,
A rhyme without reason,
Some times more beautiful perhaps
Ah I embrace the existence of some in all their frivolous nature.

However, I am quite perplexed at how many assume that some of the following can exist meaningfully without their mate and counter part

Would you divide true Gemini?
Or part the hand from his work?
For what is land without the water,
but a dull mass of dirt. Period. End of statement, not of song:

What is lyric without voice, free will without choice? Hmm... Oh my this brings more into my mind, I'll let it out lest I endlessly list the meaningless to myself in silence.

What is harmony without melody?
Paint without canvass? Medium without foundation? What a thought, true freedom without direction beautiful for a moment but a moment only. Perhaps this is the pitfall of my unfinished works. A temporary vanity that dissipates into a forgotten thought.

Don't mistake my meaning, (for I'm not sure if there is one.) there is an attractive quality about such creation, but it pulls toward a bigger picture not yet seen.

Perhaps, as memories, fragmented into minute pieces, that without the final sliver, will never be anything greater than

Spare change on a dresser

of value yet overlooked and long forgotten.

I ask you now what I asked myself,
In rhetoric none the less, but I ask,

What is a character without a story?
What is a tale without a single soul?
Which was first? chicken or egg?
Some say egg but I say nay for a chicken will survive without the egg but without a chicken, a simple elipse is without life and placed hardboiled into salad. Put them together and the egg lives, but the hen lives more purposefully.

Alas that fits more into the Grand scheme, a master theme which still lacks bearing on this nonsense I spew in abundance. What is a creator without

Creation.

Is a story worth writing without a character, or is it become a gentle background without a focal point?
Is a character void without a story in which to live?

Or was the story there all along, composed in the footsteps and wake of our beloved protagonist.

Or was the character shaped out of joys and hardships of her own history.

Who wrote who

The paradox of biography is revealed to me now.

What is white without black?

Twsd8Sz.png

by: Tomo

 

Don't Give Up!
Keep moving forward,
 
Forever,
Endeavor.


#2 Thomas Maltuin

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Posted 14 December 2014 - 01:52 AM

It just kind of stopped here but I think it kinda worked out

Twsd8Sz.png

by: Tomo

 

Don't Give Up!
Keep moving forward,
 
Forever,
Endeavor.


#3 foxbunny

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Posted 14 December 2014 - 02:49 AM

I think you have some good raw material there. Remember that everything in a poem means. Every punctuation mark or space or capital letter. And the first and last words of a line are also very important (the last mores than the first). Paring things down is very hard, but you end up with a much stronger poem.

You might change that section near the beginning by dropping some words, losing the punctuation and changing the spacing.

For example:

 

what is

     plot without story
     reason without rhyme
     more beautiful

     embrace

     existence

frivolous

 

If you really want something to blow your mind you might look up "syncopated sonnet." Tyehimba is an absolute genius with poetry that I still can't even wrap my head around.



#4 Thomas Maltuin

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Posted 14 December 2014 - 03:30 AM

this was intended as free verse. It was spontaneously done. Improvised. I specifically denied myself when I would say "let me change that" except to replace repetitious words. I would like to refine later but for now this is intended as raw thought, rough, only posted as poetry because for some reason as it threaded itself through my brain it struck me as strangely poetic compared to the rigorous rituals my mind usually produces. It was a moment of freedom.

I will read your suggestion though.

Edited by Tigris Umbrae, 14 December 2014 - 03:31 AM.

Twsd8Sz.png

by: Tomo

 

Don't Give Up!
Keep moving forward,
 
Forever,
Endeavor.





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