eagle god-heart 0 Report post Posted August 6, 2015 okay im writing a new book and i want you guys to judge it so far. this is just like the first page or somthin. im looking for how it flows, etc. yeah basicly the book is about a young fur who lives in a secluded island with his tribe until he hears the call of God and he goes out to search for God. so now i will post the firt page. Eagle and the Quest for Truth We start out on a small island in the middle of the Quanatic Ocean, with a young boy by the name of Eagle sitting in on the beach looking at the ocean. Then S'Drassa his sweet heart come up to him. S'Drassa: Eagle come on the elder wants to see you. Eagle: why me? All he asks me to ever do is fetch things for him. Why can't he do it him self? S'Drassa: Eagle... I know how you feel but hes the elder here and you know what they say happens if you dont do what he says. Eagle: yeah yeah. the gods curse you for it. S'Drassa: So get going do you really want that to happen?, and besides once you do me and you will go down to the falls and... Then a small boy comes running down to them Boy: Eagle come quick the elder wants to see you. S'Drassa: come on Eagle get a move on. Eagle: alright then, im going. I'll see ya later. S'Drassa: by Eagle. Then Eagle and S'Drassa wink each other and then Eagle heads down to see the village elder. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SuperKuddlor† 0 Report post Posted August 6, 2015 That's nice. A new Christan furry story =3 But why do they believe in gods and not God? Also, there's a mistake in the last saying "by Eagle". It should be "bye, Eagle". And there's a lot of punctation missing. I'm busy now so I can't correct it now. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
eagle god-heart 0 Report post Posted August 6, 2015 well like i said he starts out in a polytheistic island then he hears God and so he starts to search for him. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SuperKuddlor† 0 Report post Posted August 7, 2015 Ah I see. It's very interesting. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ember† 0 Report post Posted August 7, 2015 I read what you've got there so far and I am wondering, are you going for a dialog type story? Or are you going for a story book type? What you have here is a dialog, excellent for plays, dramas, or rp but not that good for a type of storybook. However the content is good. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
eagle god-heart 0 Report post Posted August 7, 2015 well to be honest i want it to be in book format but i cant write like that, so im just doing this until i have someone whos willing to edit it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SuperKuddlor† 0 Report post Posted August 7, 2015 I wish to have someone edit stuff for me like that because I can only write stories in RP when in English, but when in Croatian, I can be more descriptive because it's my mothertongue. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ember† 0 Report post Posted August 7, 2015 If I take my time (I am not a professional) but I write stories, I can make an example for you using what you have here. I'll show you what I come up with later if you wish. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ember† 0 Report post Posted August 8, 2015 (edited) Eagle and the Quest for Truth: Somewhere on a small island in the middle of the Quanatic Ocean, there sat a young boy by the name of Eagle who was on the beach staring out at the ocean and watching the waves roll in. Then S'Drassa, his sweet heart, came up to him. In a hurried tone she reported, "Eagle! come on the elder wants to see you!" Looking up from his gaze he looked at the girl that stood before him with (description) hair and beautiful (description) eyes. "hello?" Came her sweet voice slightly raised, "did you hear me?" Eagle turned his face back to the shore and responded in a irritated voice, "why me? All he ever asked me to do is fetch things for him. Why can't he do it him self?" Shaking her head she knelt beside him, "Eagle... I know how you feel, but he IS the elder here. And you know what they say happens if you don't do what he says." Eagle rolled his eyes, "yeah-yeah. The gods curse you for it." S'Drassa stood back up, "So? Get going! Do you really want that to happen?" She then leaned in closely to his ear and whispered, "and besides once you do, me and you will go down to the falls and..." Suddenly a small boy with (description) (somthing that stands out like hair, clothing or fur) comes running down to them and interrupted them, "Eagle! Come quick! The elder wants to see you!" Not finishing what she was saying due to the boy being there she urged him as well, "come on Eagle... get a move on." Standing to his feet he reluctantly turned to go, "alright then, I'm going. I'll see ya later." "by Eagle." S'Drassa waved. As Eagle began to leave the couple winked each other as he went down to see the village elder. Edited August 8, 2015 by Ember Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
eagle god-heart 0 Report post Posted August 8, 2015 wow thats great. but sadly i already have someone editing it for me to make it more "book like" thanks though. and good job. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ember† 0 Report post Posted August 8, 2015 Oh no problem. I enjoyed editing it, and you can compare with your other editor and see what they think. It doesn't bother me. I hadn't written for a while. Well... I wish you luck with your book. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dantalion† 0 Report post Posted October 20, 2015 wow thats great. but sadly i already have someone editing it for me to make it more "book like" thanks though. and good job. That isn't what editing is though. Editing is going back after your first draft and correcting things. What you're doing is asking someone to write a story for the dialogue you provided, which means that you two would be co-authors, instead of you being the sole author. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
