My works need critique.

[Ohyoupokedmr† 0]

I have been typing a few stories up. Three to be exact and one on standby. I would like to tell you about a few of them. I am working on two fanfictions and one original work. I am also thinking about another fanficion and another original work. One fanfiction is part one of a series called, “Clarkâ€. It is a minecraft fanfiction series that gives minecraft a more realist view on the universe and give history and backstory to everything all the way up to Minecraft’s original hero, Steve. I plan on making this a three or four part series. The second one I am working on is based on the game, “Heroes of the Storm†and it is called, “Lords of the Nexusâ€. It is basically detailing the history of the leaders of each realm that the heroes fight in. It is compiled of short stories and small chapters in between. Both are a work in progress. Now, my best work, I believe, is my original work; Pangaea. There is a lot of description here so bear with me:

 

Essentially, the backstory is that in the year 2015, all of Earth's continents shifted and came together in a seventy two hour process called the "Merging Period" or simply the "Merge". During the Merge, almost all of the world's cities and towns were leveled by major earthquakes and tsunamis. Millions upon millions died. After the Merging Period, humanity was in ruins and society was crumbling. Anarchy took hold soon after. Tribes began to form in order to keep humanity from killing themselves, however, these tribes were ruled by dictators and warlords, most only bent on domination and power. Several major nations arose five years later, after the fighting between all the tribes halted and nations began to form:

 

The Imperium: five years after constant tribal warfare, several tribes decided that they had enough, and began to start their own government. This began The Imperial Pact, a pact which brought together five of Europe's biggest tribes and form one nation: The Gabriel Collective, The Maalrik Empire, The Utani Congregative, and two other tribes, who's names are forgotten. From these five tribes, a king was elected, and the leader of The Maalrik Empire, Riley Maalrik, was chosen as king. King Riley Maalrik reigns to this very day. He was a force to be feared and respected across Pangaea, capturing most of former Europe and Middle East from dictators and expanding territory. The Imperium was the first organized government to appear on Pangaea.

 

The New World Order: After the rise of The Imperium, many others attempted to do the same thing across Pangaea, with mixed results. However, one successful group of tribes in former America created The New World Order, an order dedicated to preserving the ways of democracy. Whole laws were rewritten, and almost the entire old American government was reintroduced, with an executive branch, legislative branch, and judicial branch. King Maalrik saw the NWO as a threat to his so-far perfect society, and the two are currently at war.

 

The Krro'Gaathians: After the Merge, anthromorphic beings found their way to Earth through, as they claim, portals and wormholes. Nobody knows for sure how they got here, what caused them to get here, and what can be done to get them out, but most anthros were rather peaceful, but there were many bent only on conquest. One such tribe is known as the Krro'Gaathians, or to anthros, Krro'Gaath's Crusade. The Crusade was founded by Warlord Krro'Gaath, a well known and well feared warlord of the anthro world before they found Earth. Krro'Gaath knew that on his own world, supplies and availability for future anthromorphic generations were diminishing quickly, and his tribe would soon fall. However, when Krro'Gaath found Earth, he planned on complete conquest for the anthro race and his dying tribe. There was hope for the Krro'Gaathians. Krro'Gaath thought it was the right for anthros to rule Earth and rule humans due to racial superiority. Krro'Gaath thought them weak and subordinate, unworthy to rule any empire. Therefore, Krro'Gaath set out to conquer Earth for his people and for his race.

 

The Mystics: The Merge caught the attention of a group of otherworldy beings known as the Mystics. These beings came to Earth for, as far as the humans know, three reasons: to investigate what caused the Merge to happen, to banish the anthros back to their world, and to fight their ancient foe who also appeared on Pangaea, the Dark Mystics. Not much is known other than that, but they are said to follow a nameless being who they only refer to as, "Our Master". The Mystics are capable of seemingly metaphysical powers and abilities, which is said is how they came to Earth: through teleportation.

 

The Dark Mystics: The Dark Mystics snuck onto Earth like a beast in the shadows. Nobody knew how they got to Earth or why they are here, but they are the fallen brothers of the Mystics who also follow a dark being, known as "The Inmorte". They wish to summon The Inmorte onto Earth for reasons unknown.

 

The Sadist Guild: The Krro'Gaathians weren't the only major anthro race to come to Earth. Another race of anthros, known as The Sadist Guild, also squirmed their way here. They are easily the most hated nation on Pangaea and worlds beyond. Psycopathic, greedy, and ruthless, this Guild uses a method of mass abduction on villages and towns, killing military members and capturing civilians. After the civilians are captured, they are brought back to their hidden fortress, where it is said that they torture and enslave them. After months of torture, or as they would put it, "discipline", they are sold off to small tribes for profit as slaves. They are the number one cause for human and anthro trafficking on Pangaea.

 

 

These stories are my pride and joy. God gave me the ability to write and inscribe stories I imagine down and have others enjoy them too. However, I am often switching back and forth between stories. If anyone can offer their services to proofread my original work or my second fanfiction, just tell me and I will share it with you. Thanks!

Edited May 31, 2015 by Ohyoupokedmr

[Ohyoupokedmr† 0]

I posted this in the wrong section.

[Dantalion† 0]

I really like your Pangaea plot so far. You seem to have developed this world well. Do you perhaps have a little of the actual story I could read? I'd love to do a little editing for you, as well as give feedback.

 

I am a college student though so I wouldn't want to do more than one chapter at a time, if you organize it by chapters.