Isle of sky.

[Robin S. Firedrake† 0]

"Is everything set?" Came a voice from on deck. It belonged to a seven foot tall silver half dragon, who's right ear was made of cloth and wood. His name was Thor, and he wasn't about to let the chance he'd been given to slip away. Three days ago a flying island had drifted in from beyond the swirling clouds that hid the pirates land. It was steadily drifting away and Thor wasn't about to let it go, for he had an adventurous personality and a curious mind. "Everything's set." Came a soft voice from under a piece of cloth. "Good..." Said Thor, priding himself in his plan. If one looked up they would see a monstrous piece of canvas folded up with a doorway sized hole in the bottom layer, stretched out by the ships masts. Thor ran towards the innermost mast and grabbed an oil covered torch from a passing fox. "Mind if I borrow this? Didn't think you would." He said quickly as he started nimbly climbing the mast. After reaching the top, he held himself still for a minute, enjoying the sea breeze and the feel of the wood under his fingers. Soon, he held up the torch and breathed a blast of white hot flame over it, igniting it and sending the fire right under the hole in the canvas. He stayed longer than he expected to, not knowing how long it would take to fill the hot air balloon. Nearly two hours after he climbed up, he dropped down with his wings spread out to slow his fall. He walked over to his first mate, panting. "Cut the tethers." He said quickly, almost out of breath. The otter repeated the command, though at a much louder volume, to the rest of the crew. Soon, everyone on the ship was using axes and knives to cut the ropes that bound the ship to the docks. The vessel began groaning and creaking. Thor wondered if the masts would hold. They did. The massive balloon had lifted the ship into the air, much to the delight of everyone in the crew except the cabin boy Robert, who was afraid of heights. "Start cranking the rudder!" Shouted Thor. The new "rudder" was a windmill's blades, attached the the back of the ship. As part of the crew cranked on a giant lever to make it spin, Thor began to steer his air ship towards the flying island. The wind felt good on his face, and the rush of knowing that his plan had succeeded drove him to make sure the ship arrived at the island. Soon, the ship was flying alongside a massive piece of land that was covered with strange plants and stones. After "docking" the ship, the crew all began to set foot on the island. This would seem a mundane task but as soon as paw met land something strange could be felt. The air began to chill and the sky began to darken. Something was amiss...

 

 

(End of part one and end of giant wall of text)

 

I want to hear any and all criticism you have for me so fire away!

[HoboFawkes† 0]

Good so far. Line brakes are your friends.

Airships are always cool. They're so much better than deathtraps, anyway.

[Robin S. Firedrake† 0]

I've never been able to find out when the right time to put in a line brake is.

[HoboFawkes† 0]

Think about it like a camera cut. If this were a movie, where would it change cameras/angles? Usually it's best to line break in between dialogue, or when a general idea changes.

I've been known to abuse line breaks though, don't listen to me.

[Robin S. Firedrake† 0]

=P I'll see about that...

[LeviWolstrom† 0]

I've never been able to find out when the right time to put in a line brake is.

 

Whenever you change speakers, start a new paragraph. If only one person is speaking, and there is a good bit of descriptive text, find natural breaks in the action.

 

Also, don't tell us he has an adventurous personality. Let us see it.

[Golden Fox† 0]

Pretty nice, you've cached my intrest.

You should use a double line brake around every 50 words, like this:

Line break.

 

. Continuation.

When writing dialog use a single line break for each character, but if you continue with the same character, don't use line brake.

Also when you feel like it, use a single line brake and press space three times before continuing, like I did with the double line brake.

Don't be cheap with the line braking, it makes it a whole lot easier to read.