The Quibblequum Bird
by Oren Otter
There once was a boy named Ignacious M. Brown
Who complained "There is nothing to do in this town."
I have tried roller skating, I've tried flying kites.
I've tried counting stars in the heavens for nights.
I played on computers. I played with the dog.
I watched the TV while I sat like a log.
I've played the piano. I've ridden my bike.
I've gone through the woods on a twenty mile hike.
I've done everything that there can be too do.
I'm bored and I'm wanting to try something new.
So Iggy M Brown sat and frowned with a pout
Until Mrs. Brown said to Ignacious "Get out!"
My son, all you do is sit here and complain.
If you want something new, then try using your brain.
Now leave here and take your complaining outside!"
So Iggy M. Brown took his bike for a ride.
He went to the store where he bought candy bars
Then he sat on the sidewalk and counted the cars.
"So bored!" whined the boy as he sat in the sun.
"There must be some thing that I haven't yet done."
And just then came a dog walking there on the street
who walked up to Iggy and sat by his feet.
Then did something that almost made Iggy freak.
he opened his mouth and he started to speak.
"Excuse me, dear lad, but just now, was that you
whom I overheard wanting to try something new?
I'll tell you of something no human has seen.
The vine of the magical zamzilla bean!
Go over the river, then up Cherry Hill,
You'll find some grey rocks near the old cider mill.
In there is a tunnel. Go through it with care.
Then pass through the forest and up the long stair.
You'll find the vine there, and the zamzilla bean
that magical bean that no human has seen.
Well, I have to go now, so have a nice day."
With that the dog stood up and sauntered away.
"Oh wow!" said Ignacious. "I must go and view
this incredible bean that is magic and new!"
So he rode on his cycle for fifty-nine blocks
till he reached Cherry Hill and he found the grey rocks.
He went through the tunnel and through the dark wood
and up the long stair, where a giant tree stood.
And from that great tree hung the vine of the bean
that no ho human, till Iggy, had ever once seen.
"I did it!" said Iggy. In triumph, he roared.
Then he pouted, for now, he was once again bored.
He had seen the rare bean, as he'd come here to do.
And so now, as before, there was nothing else new.
Then he got an idea. Why should he just look?
So he reached out his hand and he carefully took
just one zamzilla bean. Feeling slightly elated
he popped the bean into his mouth and he ate it.
Then the next thing he knew, and before he could speak
his mouth and his nose were turned into a beak.
His skin sprouted feathers. His clothes disappeared.
His neck became long and his insides felt weird.
"This can't be!" said Iggy. "It's truly absurd!"
But Iggy turned into a quibblequum bird.
He sat there a moment, just staring ahead.
Then into his heart came a feeling of dread.
"Oh what will my mom say? She'll squeal like a mouse!
And surely she won't want a bird in the house!
I can't go to school and I can't play in sports.
and I can't ride my bike since my legs are so short.
My fingers are gone, so no video game
can be played, so my life will be totally lame!
Oh, why was I so stupid? Why was I so dumb
as to eat that bean and become what I've become?"
So Ignacious M. Brown sat and whined and he cried
and he wished he could crawl in a deep hole and hide.
He cried and he cried, till the tears came no more,
then he had an idea he hadn't before.
He'd been wishing and wishing to try something new.
So Ignacious the bird spread his wings, and he flew.
Iggy soared through the air, and he dove and he looped
and he swooped and glided until he was pooped.
He rested a moment, then breathed a small sigh
for he knew that his house was the place he must fly.
He came to the front door and knocked with his beak.
It opened and Iggy said "Please Mom, don't freak.
It's me, It's ignacious. I ate this weird bean.
Yes, a magical bean that no human had seen
and I'm sure it's the craziest story you've heard
but now I've turned into a quibblequum bird.
You must surely be angry. I know I would be.
So if you would expect me to live in a tree
it's completely all right, 'cause it can't be much fun
to have a dumb quibblequum bird for a son.
She stood there a moment, and then Mrs. Brown
got over her shock and she knelt herself down.
"What absolute nonsense, this thing that you dreaded.
Yes, eating a magical bean was boneheaded."
declared Mrs. Brown. "But don't be worried, hon.
You still are Ignacious, and still are my son.
Whether human or scaley or feathered or furred."
Then she reached out and hugged the poor quibblequum bird.
And he realized he loved what he'd had all along
like his home and his room and his dad and his mom.
Now Iggy's a bird and his hobby is flying
but Ignacious M. Brown knows there's no use denying
that although it's fun to try out something new
There is wonder in all that's familiar, too.