My Father's Legacy

[AzariahWolf† 0]

This is what happens when i want a break from one storyline. I make another one.

 

I would appreciate if you would give me your opinion on how this beginning style feels. I have not used it before. Also, if an occasional 'I' is uncapitalized, don't hesitate to point it out. It seems to be a problem I have with this particular board.

 

My Father's Legacy

by LurkingWolf

 

'Dear Robert,

 

The contents of this box are meant for you, and you alone. If there is anyone else around when you receive this box, leave before you open it. The contents must not be revealed to anyone but you.

 

I need to explain a few things before I continue on with this letter. The last you saw of me was seven years ago to the day, on your fourteenth birthday. You have probably already guessed who I am, but i will state it here so that there remains no shadow of a doubt. I am your father, Jacob Eldrich.

 

I realize that you probably think ill of me for my actions, especially my timing; I want to say how sorry I am that I could not at least provide you with a warning for what was to come. At least I wish I could have told you goodbye one last time. I hope that, through the contents of this letter, as well as that of the box, you will be able to find a way to understand.

 

My mission, as well as my timing, were not my own at that time. I acted in the interests of a cause far greater than myself. I do not regret the mission to which I was called, only the way in which I was called and the time of that call.

 

I will do my best to explain what I can of the situation. Those seven long years ago, a debt that I owed was called. That debt was incurred ten years ago, during a time I am sure you remember. Your mother was sick to the point of death, and the doctors had done all that they could to save her. We were at or wit's end, with nowhere to turn for help.

 

It was during this time that I received an anonymous offer for help. The person offering asked for nothing unless he was able to save your mother's life, but the price if he was able to save her was great. He said that, at a certain time of his own choosing, he would summon me, and that I would be obligated to come whenever he should choose. I was desperate, and so I took the offer. The man gave me a medicine which he told me to mix with her food the next day. After i did that, your mother steadily improved, until she had fully recovered not two months later.

 

The promise of payment was not entirely forgotten, but it did not seem to be a present issue. For nearly three years I lived life as though nothing would ever happen. Alas, my benefactor, although only acting within his right, summoned me on the day that was least convenient. I could not refuse, however. It was my part of the bargain, and I was bound to complete it, in more ways than one.

 

In the end, it became clear just how little I had known about the favor that was required of me. Where I had anticipated a great cost, I had not thought that it would take years to complete. Even less had I imagined that those years would be spent without you and your mother. I am sorry for those lost years, and I hope to soon be able to make them up in full.

 

The reason that I send this letter, though, is for more than to try to get you to understand. This letter is to warn you of a coming danger. you may not see it at first, but it is coming, and it will attack you. You will not see it at first, you may not even see it when it attacks if you are unprepared. It cannot kill you, not by itself, but it can be destructive in other ways. The only way that you can prepare yourself is by finding the right help before it gets to you.

 

I cannot provide the help you need, not without being with you. I would love to be able to come and help you, but my obligation is too strong. In the box you will find what temporary protection I could offer you, as well as instructions on how to find someone that can be trusted to protect you, and can provide the help you need. I regret that his position is so secluded and hard to reach, but you will know why when you reach him.

 

Please hurry to get to him. I fear that, if you do not, you will become an unintended member of the conflict in which I have been involved through my debt. Once you get to him, get back to your mother quickly. While the enemy will be coming for you first, she will become a target if you go beyond the enemy's range for too long. The man will provide you with the protection you need for the both of you.

 

I regret not being able to tell you more. It is a wonder that I have been able to convince my employer to allow me to say this much. Whatever you do, do not hesitate before beginning your trip. Every moment that you waste, the enemy that has been sent will have another opportunity to strike.

 

Take care of your mother for me, Robert. I still love her. If this was not true, I could have left my debt unpaid, and let her die with her blood on my hands. Her safety depends on you now. Make sure I get a chance to kiss her again.

 

See you soon,

Dad'

 

With this, out of nowhere, my father, who we had assumed dead for seven years, had come back to life.

[LeviWolstrom† 0]

Hmm.

 

I know Ted Dekker started Sinner with a letter. The difference is that we already were familiar with some of the characters.

 

Beginning a story with a letter has at least one strength. It brings the reader into the story without giving them any explanation of how the character received the letter.

 

The downside: I feel you gave away too much. There are many questions raised in the letter that you do not (and should not) answer. Who is this benefactor his father speaks of? What did his father have to do? Those are good, and it keeps the reader interested.

 

But there are also details that are better left out. All the back story you give, with the mother's near-death and the telling of some mysterious conflict, you don't really need that. (But of the two, the story of his mother is acceptable.) I feel that you just gave the main character a "this is what is going to happen to you" list. The character knows something will happen, but he does not know the form it will take or when it will come.

 

That, to me, lessens whatever suspense you wanted to build.

 

Now, I don't care that after reading this letter we know absolutely nothing about (presumably) the main character. We can learn more about him by his reaction to the letter. It can be a weakness since we have no emotional attachment to anyone at this point, but it's not going to be a great handicap.

 

I do not like the last sentence, though. You have re-stated everything that the reader could have figured out just by reading the letter. What is the significance of the letter? How does the character respond? With excitement? Anger? Confusion? Another emotion, or (more likely) a combination of several?

[AzariahWolf† 0]

Thank you for your opinion.s

 

Actually, i am planning to add the character's reaction. The reason that I cut it off where I did was because, at the time that i posted this, it was 5 or 6 in the morning... I didn't have the energy to write any more, and I had finally broken my insomnia, so I decided to leave it dangling at this point.

 

As for giving a bit too much information, I am not entirely certain as to what you mean. I do want the story about the mother to be included, as it seems necessary to the content of the letter as it stands. As for what you said about giving the character a 'this is what's going to happen' list, I still do not completely understand what you mean by this. Would you please clarify a bit for me?

 

Once again, thank you for reading. I do plan to continue with this, although progress may be rather slow. I am still working on my novel as my main project, and I hold myself to a quote of 1,000 words a day on that. Only after I complete that quota will I add anything to any other story.

[Golden Fox† 0]

This was a good read, very interesting.

As for giving a bit too much information' date=' I am not entirely certain as to what you mean. [/quote']

What he means is not to show too much of the background story of the characters at once, rather tell the reader about it some of the time, exposing only some of the backgrund story some of the time, this makes it more interesting and will keep us reading.

 

I am still working on my novel as my main project' date=' and I hold myself to a quote of 1,000 words a day on that.[/quote']

You should not set goals like that, if you fail you'll lose motivation, and you must always have motivation or it won't be any fun.

Write when you feel like it, don't stress trying to finish it, if you got a ton of ideas but only a pound of time, write down headwords and continue some other time.

Most importantly though, don't stress and have fun while writing.

[AzariahWolf† 0]

Oh, I do have fun with writing; that's why I write. For me, though, I've found that a goal like that is the best motivation for me. I understand that i might not make the quota every day, but it is something to shoot for. I think I'm doing all right, missed a few days here and there, but I currently stand at upwards of 123,000 words. And I'm still not done. >.>

[LeviWolstrom† 0]

Golden Fox understood me well.

 

In the letter, we already know:

 

1) There is something dangerous to the main character

2) This something may come unexpectedly

3) His mother is also in danger

4) Someone can help

 

We don't need to know any of this, not yet. And quite honestly, I think it's more fun when the character has to figure things out, too.

 

 

As to the quota, I can't offer advice one way or the other. I prefer it when I can write a set amount (1000 words) or more, but many days that doesn't happen and I deal with it. As long as it remains fun, then I can see no problem.